Extraterrestrial Life

Actually, I already do, but this is still a great poster.

Yeah, it was bound to come up sooner or later. Call it what you want, but humans have always been fascinated with the idea of intelligent life that isn't us. Scientifically speaking, it's practically guaranteed that there are more intelligent civilizations in the universe than us. Hell, there are probably more in our own galaxy. Only problem is finding them. So far we've really not got much proof of alien life, let alone sapient aliens. Sure, there's the Wow! Signal, and the Viking lander results, but none of that's conclusive.

Coming from a purely scientific viewpoint, it's given that there are other intelligent civilizations out there. I refer you all to a terrifying-looking mathematical bit called the Drake Equation. N=R•Fp•Ne•Fl•Fi•Fc•L. Nasty-looking, innit? It's actually really simple if you break it down. The full explanation is this: The number of civilizations we can detect = The rate of star formation • stars that form planets • number of planets capable of supporting life • planets that develop life • planets that develop intelligent life • life that can communicate on an interplanetary scale • period of time the civilization exists for. Example: so far Earth is the only planet known to support life. Humans have been knocking around this dirtball for millions of years, but we couldn't really communicate with (theoretically, at least) an extrasolar civilization until the 1950s. And since then we've come damn close to eradicating ourselves more times than I care to think of. Say the Cuban Missile Crisis turned into a full nuclear war. That's 20 years from the development of nuclear weapons to our extinction, and about 10 years of blasting signals out into space. There's no way we're the only civilization to do something like that.

Now, the harder part about alien life is whether or not we've talked to them, so to speak. The number of phenomena associated with alien life is positively stupid. UFOs, Roswell, "telepathic communication", alien abduction...the list is ridiculously long. I tend to cut that down quite a bit. I figure most UFO sightings are either atmospheric anomalies or military test craft (that's not to say there haven't been aliens over Earth, but they're not as common as you might think). Telepathic communication is a load of bunk as far as I'm concerned. I've got a few ideas on Roswell I'll mention later. As for abductions, I think a race advanced enough to travel between solar systems probably have better things to do than go around probing us primates. Now, that's not to say I don't think that someone somewhere knows the truth about alien life, but there are too many idiotic conspiracies out there to get into on that.

The exact biology of extraterrestrials is also rather contested. The most common reports are, of course, the Greys, as made popular in dozens of sci-fi movies and TV shows. About four feet tall, big eyes, no nose, tiny mouth, and grey to greenish skin. Associated with the abduction phenomenon quite often. Another popular one (thanks to that maniac David Icke) is the Reptilian. Standing anywhere between 6 and 10 feet tall, covered in scales and looking distinctly lizardy, the Reptoids as they're also known are said to be carnivorous and may eat human flesh. Bit of a stretch of the imagination far as I'm concerned. Next up are the Nordics, known by about a dozen alternate names. Tall humans with blond hair and blue eyes. Of course, there are probably more types of alien than we can imagine, but those three are the most common.

A Grey. Not that I need a picture for these guys.

The Greys are quite popular, and are often mentioned in conjunction with the star system Zeta
Reticuli, a binary solar system approximately 39 light-years from earth. There's no actual evidence that there are any planets in the ζ Reticuli system, but that doesn't stop anyone. Many reports put them as either one of two archetypes: sadistic researchers with a deep interest in probing human bodily cavities, or "saviours from the stars", here to save mankind from ourselves. A lot of reports put them as being able to communicate telepathically. I've got a theory on this. The large eyes and heads that define this race point to one of two things: a semi-aquatic nature, or evolution in a dark environment. Large eyes with immense pupils (assuming they even have pupils), and a bulbous head housing a sonar organ would both help immensely in navigating a dark world, one of mostly water, or an underground habitat. Sonar/echolocation abilities could also explain the tendency to communication without a familiar (to us, at least) vocal method.

A Reptilian. Or a bad acid trip, you decide.

Next up we've got the Reptilians, or Reptoids if you want to believe the ramblings of David Icke (can you tell I hate him yet?). The only reference to a "home" I can find for them is orbiting Thuban, but I suspect Icke picked that due to its alternate name, Alpha Draconis. Either way, they're supposedly huge, in the 7-12' range, green, and scaly. Some are reported to have small vestigial wings. These turn up in the much-maligned (for good reason) "Dulce Papers". This report (actually a series of interviews with a man claiming to have been a security officer at an underground base in Dulce, New Mexico) also suggest that they're carnivorous, with a taste for human. Others put them as being from the "inner earth", also home to Nazis, flying saucers, and any number of things that should be extinct. Either way, tall and scaly is the way to go. That dimwit Icke figures they've been controlling civilization for a long time. Also, they can shapeshift. Notable on his list of figures who are actually giant lizards are the Queen (and most of the royal family), Dick Cheney (now that one I can almost believe), Donald Rumsfeld, and anyone else with any kind of power. I personally think he's nuts, but whatever. Anyways, on to what I figure they are. The idea of the earth being hollow is utterly absurd, and I discount anything David Icke has ever supported, so onto my own crazy ideas. I go with the theory that there are an infinite number of parallel universes. Apparently in one the K-T event never happened, and the rather large lizards that once ruled our planet didn't go extinct. From there you've got two possibilities: either they invented inter-dimensional travel with that 65 million year headstart on us, or there's some leakage between dimensions. Either way, chances are they don't run the world.

An entity whose name I'm not typing out.

Finally, we come to the Nordics. Supposedly coming to us direct from the Pleiades, a rather massive star cluster around 130 parsecs from earth. They basically look like anyone you might meet while touring the northern bits of Europe. Tall, blond hair, blue eyes, and considered to be our "space brothers" in many strange New Age religions (or what passes for a religion in that heap of mental slag). Sound pretty much like the idealized "Aryan race" Adolf Hitler and his merry band of madmen were aiming for to me, so I really don't want to get into that garbage. Ever. If you choose to go that way, chances are the Pleiadeans are the ones who seeded earth with life. Another idea I've head that's rather interesting, or would be minus the hollow earth/Antarctic Nazi survival ideas is that they're actually humans in advanced aircraft. Specifically,  the first reported alien abduction may have been them, as Barney Hill described them as "Nazis in uniforms". I like to think it's just a cabal of Scandinavian geniuses who like messing with the rest of us, but since that's utterly ridiculous, I guess I'll just go with the space explanation.

So that's that. A general overview of my theories on the top three alien races. And no Star Wars references, how much better can it get? And as someone (I think it was probably Leonard Nimoy) once said, keep watching the skies!