Extraterrestrial Life

Actually, I already do, but this is still a great poster.

Yeah, it was bound to come up sooner or later. Call it what you want, but humans have always been fascinated with the idea of intelligent life that isn't us. Scientifically speaking, it's practically guaranteed that there are more intelligent civilizations in the universe than us. Hell, there are probably more in our own galaxy. Only problem is finding them. So far we've really not got much proof of alien life, let alone sapient aliens. Sure, there's the Wow! Signal, and the Viking lander results, but none of that's conclusive.

Coming from a purely scientific viewpoint, it's given that there are other intelligent civilizations out there. I refer you all to a terrifying-looking mathematical bit called the Drake Equation. N=R•Fp•Ne•Fl•Fi•Fc•L. Nasty-looking, innit? It's actually really simple if you break it down. The full explanation is this: The number of civilizations we can detect = The rate of star formation • stars that form planets • number of planets capable of supporting life • planets that develop life • planets that develop intelligent life • life that can communicate on an interplanetary scale • period of time the civilization exists for. Example: so far Earth is the only planet known to support life. Humans have been knocking around this dirtball for millions of years, but we couldn't really communicate with (theoretically, at least) an extrasolar civilization until the 1950s. And since then we've come damn close to eradicating ourselves more times than I care to think of. Say the Cuban Missile Crisis turned into a full nuclear war. That's 20 years from the development of nuclear weapons to our extinction, and about 10 years of blasting signals out into space. There's no way we're the only civilization to do something like that.

Now, the harder part about alien life is whether or not we've talked to them, so to speak. The number of phenomena associated with alien life is positively stupid. UFOs, Roswell, "telepathic communication", alien abduction...the list is ridiculously long. I tend to cut that down quite a bit. I figure most UFO sightings are either atmospheric anomalies or military test craft (that's not to say there haven't been aliens over Earth, but they're not as common as you might think). Telepathic communication is a load of bunk as far as I'm concerned. I've got a few ideas on Roswell I'll mention later. As for abductions, I think a race advanced enough to travel between solar systems probably have better things to do than go around probing us primates. Now, that's not to say I don't think that someone somewhere knows the truth about alien life, but there are too many idiotic conspiracies out there to get into on that.

The exact biology of extraterrestrials is also rather contested. The most common reports are, of course, the Greys, as made popular in dozens of sci-fi movies and TV shows. About four feet tall, big eyes, no nose, tiny mouth, and grey to greenish skin. Associated with the abduction phenomenon quite often. Another popular one (thanks to that maniac David Icke) is the Reptilian. Standing anywhere between 6 and 10 feet tall, covered in scales and looking distinctly lizardy, the Reptoids as they're also known are said to be carnivorous and may eat human flesh. Bit of a stretch of the imagination far as I'm concerned. Next up are the Nordics, known by about a dozen alternate names. Tall humans with blond hair and blue eyes. Of course, there are probably more types of alien than we can imagine, but those three are the most common.

A Grey. Not that I need a picture for these guys.

The Greys are quite popular, and are often mentioned in conjunction with the star system Zeta
Reticuli, a binary solar system approximately 39 light-years from earth. There's no actual evidence that there are any planets in the ζ Reticuli system, but that doesn't stop anyone. Many reports put them as either one of two archetypes: sadistic researchers with a deep interest in probing human bodily cavities, or "saviours from the stars", here to save mankind from ourselves. A lot of reports put them as being able to communicate telepathically. I've got a theory on this. The large eyes and heads that define this race point to one of two things: a semi-aquatic nature, or evolution in a dark environment. Large eyes with immense pupils (assuming they even have pupils), and a bulbous head housing a sonar organ would both help immensely in navigating a dark world, one of mostly water, or an underground habitat. Sonar/echolocation abilities could also explain the tendency to communication without a familiar (to us, at least) vocal method.

A Reptilian. Or a bad acid trip, you decide.

Next up we've got the Reptilians, or Reptoids if you want to believe the ramblings of David Icke (can you tell I hate him yet?). The only reference to a "home" I can find for them is orbiting Thuban, but I suspect Icke picked that due to its alternate name, Alpha Draconis. Either way, they're supposedly huge, in the 7-12' range, green, and scaly. Some are reported to have small vestigial wings. These turn up in the much-maligned (for good reason) "Dulce Papers". This report (actually a series of interviews with a man claiming to have been a security officer at an underground base in Dulce, New Mexico) also suggest that they're carnivorous, with a taste for human. Others put them as being from the "inner earth", also home to Nazis, flying saucers, and any number of things that should be extinct. Either way, tall and scaly is the way to go. That dimwit Icke figures they've been controlling civilization for a long time. Also, they can shapeshift. Notable on his list of figures who are actually giant lizards are the Queen (and most of the royal family), Dick Cheney (now that one I can almost believe), Donald Rumsfeld, and anyone else with any kind of power. I personally think he's nuts, but whatever. Anyways, on to what I figure they are. The idea of the earth being hollow is utterly absurd, and I discount anything David Icke has ever supported, so onto my own crazy ideas. I go with the theory that there are an infinite number of parallel universes. Apparently in one the K-T event never happened, and the rather large lizards that once ruled our planet didn't go extinct. From there you've got two possibilities: either they invented inter-dimensional travel with that 65 million year headstart on us, or there's some leakage between dimensions. Either way, chances are they don't run the world.

An entity whose name I'm not typing out.

Finally, we come to the Nordics. Supposedly coming to us direct from the Pleiades, a rather massive star cluster around 130 parsecs from earth. They basically look like anyone you might meet while touring the northern bits of Europe. Tall, blond hair, blue eyes, and considered to be our "space brothers" in many strange New Age religions (or what passes for a religion in that heap of mental slag). Sound pretty much like the idealized "Aryan race" Adolf Hitler and his merry band of madmen were aiming for to me, so I really don't want to get into that garbage. Ever. If you choose to go that way, chances are the Pleiadeans are the ones who seeded earth with life. Another idea I've head that's rather interesting, or would be minus the hollow earth/Antarctic Nazi survival ideas is that they're actually humans in advanced aircraft. Specifically,  the first reported alien abduction may have been them, as Barney Hill described them as "Nazis in uniforms". I like to think it's just a cabal of Scandinavian geniuses who like messing with the rest of us, but since that's utterly ridiculous, I guess I'll just go with the space explanation.

So that's that. A general overview of my theories on the top three alien races. And no Star Wars references, how much better can it get? And as someone (I think it was probably Leonard Nimoy) once said, keep watching the skies!

Men In Black

No, not the movies. I'm talking about a number of bizarre phenomena reported from all over the world, in a number of situations. There are three classifications that I can see. One is the "men in black" reported occasionally in conjunction with UFO reports. They're human-looking, if a little odd, drive late-model, brand new black Lincoln Town Cars, and often sound robotic or otherwise unusual. Second are what are currently referred to as the "Slender Man", tall humanoids with unusual features (exceedingly long limbs, lack of facial features, etc...). The third has a much deeper history, a number of names, and not many substantiated reports: the Grinning Man.

I'll start with the familiar ones. The Men in Black. The general story for them is that their mission is to harass and threaten UFO witnesses to ensure their silence. A lot of people peg them as government agents, but I'm a bit hesitant to accept that. Back in the 1950s I could see government interviews of witnesses under Project Blue Book and the Condon Committee, but that wasn't the "keep your mouth shut or bad things are gonna happen" sort of thing. Back then the US government were actively interested in the UFO phenomenon, and gathered reams of top-secret data on it. Since then they've really dropped out of it. And if you think about it, what do world governments have to gain from suppressing UFO reports? I favour a somewhat different approach. The only "people" with something to gain from keeping UFOs quiet would be whoever is flying them. Now, that doesn't mean that all UFO reports are alien craft, but about 100 gathered by Project Blue Book have yet to be explainable. Add to that the unusual manner of the MIBs, and there's a definite basis for them being affiliated with extraterrestrial life, or even being some form of alien themselves.

A possible Slenderman ritual site

Next up is what inspired this post. The Slenderman phenomenon. I use that name, originated on Something Awful, because it's recognizable, and descriptive. Tall, lanky, strangely-formed, and quite often considered an urban legend, beings of this description are fairly common through history. A good starting place would be the skeletal beings depicted as personifications of Death in the medieval "danse macabre" woodcuts. From the plague years, the "doctors" who attempted to treat the Black Death bear a striking resemblance to it. Between then and now things get a bit fuzzy, historical accounts being what they are and all. It seems, however, that in recent years the sighting of similar beings have been on an upsweep thanks to the availability of information on the internet. Of course, some of these can be attributed to wanting a good story to tell, but I figure there's something out there, and whatever it is, it's tall. I really don't have much to go on for a theory here. Best guess is either interdimensional or some sort of human sub-species.

Finally, there's the Grinning Man. This one gets a bit creepy. Reports of an eerie grinning figure go back to the beginnings of human history, possibly coming from the alternate meaning of what we consider a smile. What's considered an expression of happiness is construed as a threat by most primates, and you can see a similar baring-of-the-teeth response in frightened animals such as dogs and cats. Of course, there's also the resemblance of a pale, grinning human to the familiar Death's Head skull, or Totenkopf. For the purposes of this, I'm going to focus on a single report of the Grinning Man, the 1966 "Indrid Cold" incident. This one's become heavily associated with the Mothman sightings in the same area, culminating in the Silver Bridge collapse. On November 2, 1966, a man driving down the I-77 near Point Pleasant, West Virginia. An unusual flying craft appeared near his car, and the Grinning Man proceeded to exit it and "speak" to him via telepathy or some other nonverbal communication. A short exchange followed, in which the "man" identified himself as Indrid Cold. The exact details of what transpired there are rather sketchy, but suffice to say it was distinctly unnerving for all involved. This is one of the few times I don't think there's what you'd call a "terrestrial" explanation for what happened. Given the history, and the events afterwards, I'm inclined to consider Cold and the Mothman (that's another post there) to be connected, and a sort of omen or token.


Dedicated to and written for a friend.

The Bermuda Triangle

A lot has been written about the mysteries surrounding the famous Bermuda Triangle, and I'm not going to get into all of it here. There's simply not enough space or time to cover every insane theory or what-have-you out there. I'm going to be focusing on the epicentre of the phenomena, which seems to be located around the island of Bimini in the Bahamas.

 I'm going to assume you've all heard something about the Bermuda Triangle, since it's one of the most publicized paranormal phenomena out there. But a quick rundown: the Bermuda Triangle is a rather large area, encompassing most of the Bahama region, with the "points" generally given at Miami, the city of San Juan in Puerto Rico, and the island of Bermuda. Some reports extend it inland to connect with the Mapimí "zone of silence" in central Mexico. In any case, the area is littered with wrecked ships, crashed aircraft and mysterious disappearances. Explanations have ranged from exaggeration by authors, to methane bubbles, to alien abductions. Some of the more famous cases linked to it are the Flight 19 disappearance in which 5 Avenger torpedo bombers disappeared without a trace, and the USS Cyclops disaster of 1918 in which a coal ship carrying 306 crewmen vanished during a crossing bound for Saint-Nazare, France.

 My focus for the purposes of this article will be the islands of Bimini and the surrounding area, a hotspot for anomalous energy fields, strange lights and wrecks (some of which can be attributed to the reefs ringing the island). It's also home to the famous Bimini Road, an unusual underwater formation bearing more than a passing resemblance to a paved road. A significant portion of the island of South Bimini is undeveloped tropical forest, surrounded by unusual magnetic and electrical anomalies. It's eminently possible to get lost in this forest even if you have a compass and knowledge of the area, as compasses spin out of control and the very forest seems to turn on itself in a great labyrinth. The reason for these anomalies is currently unknown, but I believe there is a correlation between the Bermuda triangle, the Devil's Sea in the Pacific, and the so-called "lost continents" of Mu, Lemuria and Atlantis.

Specifically, I believe all the legends refer to a single location or civilization, spanning from approximately 15,000 BCE to 9000 BCE. What wiped out this civilization is unknown, and nothing truly confirms it yet, but widespread evidence and legend support a highly-advanced group (or groups) on Earth prior to the standard date of civilization's foundation, approximately 4000 BCE in southern Mesopotamia (the city-state of Sumeria, in what is now Iraq). Evidence has been found all across the world of some form of Tier-1 civilization between the modern-day Tropics. Examples include the Olmec stone heads, the Pyramids, a number of technologies referenced in the Indian Mahabharata, and the Annunaki in Sumerian myth. This civilization may have been extraterrestrial in origin, as posited by many ancient astronaut theorists, but I'm inclined to believe in a primarily terrestrial origin. That's not to say we've not had contact with alien intelligences in the past (and even to today), but I think it's completely possible that somewhere humans advanced to a point beyond our technology level today in the period between the first evolution of Homo sapiens  and the birth of civilization. How they achieved this is unknown, but I do believe in some form of external intervention, be it intentional or not.

This is where my theories start to diverge from both conventional science and paranormal research. The world's tropical regions seem to be a hotbed of unexplained phenomena, as well as immense breakthroughs in science (see: the Maya, discovery of the Chicxulub crater). I figure there's something to this. To cut straight to the point, I think that there have been either landings of extraterrestrial craft (or crashes) along the equator, or the intentional placement of relics from an as-yet unknown ancient civilization. Either way this would mean the remnants of advanced technology buried deep beneath our planet's surface. I personally favour the crash theory. The energy on impact of an extraterrestrial craft travelling at the immense velocities required for interstellar travel could easily embed a metallic vehicle into the bedrock, and this is assuming the thing was conventionally propelled. The force of the impact would have thrown any and all systems aboard the craft out of alignment or what-have-you, and something this advanced could easily present as an electromagnetic anomaly. Assume the involved craft was absolutely massive, and struck at a sharp angle. For all we know, the disappearances could be a malfunctioning wormhole system (or any other reality-warping device).  Detecting anything buried could be difficult, however. Unless there's a significant difference in density or other physical properties between the craft and the surrounding stone, it would be almost intangible. Getting to it (assuming that's an option, and not a madman's plan) is another story entirely. If we knew exactly where to begin, excavating the craft would be (from a technological standpoint), eminently feasible. It would be immensely expensive and would require the cooperation of many nations, but the payoff would be immeasurable. I'm almost sure this was in a movie at some point, but realistically all that would need to be done is locate the craft, drill a hole down to it, and work up.

As an extension to this, I believe that there are a number of locations around the world where objects of great value historically and technologically are deeply buried beneath the earth. It would certainly explain a lot.

Der Riese

A sketch of Die Glocke in its mounting

The WWII era has often been called the fastest period of technological advancement in human history. In the space of a decade humanity went from aircraft powered by propellers that could barely exceed 500km/h to turbojet fighters capable of doing over 900km/h. Surprisingly, many of these innovations were pioneered by researchers working under the Nazi regime. Termed "Wunderwaffe", or Wonder Weapons, these projects ranged from the relatively standard (various U-Boat designs, etc...), to the outlandish (the Landkreuzer P. 1000 Ratte tank weighing over 1000 tons), to the positively ridiculous (an orbiting parabolic mirror to focus sunlight on concentrated points on earth). But nothing I've come across can top what was (supposedly) done in the Wenceslas Mine in southern Poland.

In 1943, the Schlesische Industriegemeinschaft AG (Silesian Industrial Company) was established as a front or operating name for an immense tunnelworks project beneath the Lower Silesia region. Miles of shafts and caverns were excavated, and narrow rail lines were installed, along with telephone lines and other amenities. This undertaking was preformed by slave labourers from various concentration camps, and later renamed Project Riese (Giant). Not much is known about this project, or what the caverns were used for. Many still have massive pieces of equipment like dams, culverts and immense hydraulic devices whose purposes remain unknown. Project Riese consisted of 7 subterranean complexes, some mapped and explored, many collapsed and completely unexplored.

Of these, the facility within Wenseclas Mine (Wencezlaus, in Polish) has proven to be the most enigmatic. The Mine was not, in itself, a construct of Project Riese. Instead, it had been constructed as a mine prior to the war and was taken over by the SS. Located roughly at 50°37'4"N 16°29'40"E, the complex housed an ammunition plant aboveground, and a large mine works below. What happened in these tunnels is still primarily a matter of conjecture. Polish journalist and historian Igor Witkowski claims to have had access to transcripts of the interrogation of SS Gruppenführer Jakob Sporrenberg. He claims that these documents, shown to him by an anonymous Polish intelligence operative, tell of a device called Die Glocke (The Bell). This device was supposedly very powerful, and caused the deaths of many researchers and test subjects.

Die Glocke was reportedly a bell-shaped object (hence the name), roughly 9 feet wide and 15 feet tall. Within it were two counter-rotating cylinders filled with a mysterious compound known as Xerum 525. This compound was a violet metallic fluid, similar to mercury, carefully stored in lead-lined flasks a meter high, compared to a thermos bottle, which I assume means they were also vacuum-sealed. When the device was activated, a curious blue glow could be seen, and a loud buzz would be heard. Massive quantities of electricity were fed into the Bell from enormous trunk cables dropping into it from above. This comes up again in the discussion of a structure known as the Henge, or specifically a large vent supposedly located by researchers Nick Cook and Igor Witkowski. That will be covered later. Some reports mention an unusual metallic taste in the mouth, headaches and neural disruption among workers. This, along with reports that the device was covered in ceramic insulation, has lead to speculation that the Bell emitted large amounts of ionizing radiation. Cook goes on to say that in 1944 tests were preformed on organic tissue. These tests resulted in "crystals" forming within tissues, with fluids gelling and separating. This would not be consistent with ionizing radiation or any other naturally-known phenomenon.

The Henge

Another site is often referred to along with Die Glocke. Near the facility, which is commonly called Der Riese, there is a large concrete structure, often called The Henge or the Fly Trap. It is a large concrete ring, supported by 12 concrete pillars, with traces of camouflage paint still visible. The estimated diameter is 90 feet. Nearby, a vent shaft containing massive cables snakes upwards from underground. Speculation abounds to the purpose of this structure. Some believe it to be a cooling tower, others a testing facility for vertical take-off vehicles, and many think it was connected to the Bell somehow, possibly for anti-gravity devices.

Not much hard evidence exists as to what happened to Die Glocke after the war. It may have gone to the United States as part of a deal with the SS. It could have gone to a Nazi-friendly nation in South America with escaping officers. Many (myself included) believe it lies at the bottom of an abandoned, collapsed mine shaft in southern Poland. One solid fact that has been learned from captured documents about the project is this: Reich High Command had designated the project as Kriegsentscheindend, or decisive to the war. Most other secret projects, notably the V-series rockets were classed as Kriegswichtig, or important to the war. The fate of the researchers assigned to the project is unknown as well, with some claiming all 62 were executed by the SS to avoid their secrets falling into Soviet hands.

What Die Glocke actually did is highly contested. Nick Cook speculates that it was designed to harness "zero-point energy", which is incredibly complicated in explanation, but in practice essentially means free energy. I personally favour a theory tying it to the well-known Nazi nuclear program. It is thought that relativistic physics, as described by Albert Einstein, was "unclean", as Einstein was a Jew. Instead, the Nazis would likely have sided with quantum physics as originated by native German Max Planck. Following this pattern, any research into relativistic theory would be considered inferior to quantum. This leads some to believe the nuclear weapons program was a "detonator" of sorts for a far more powerful quantum weapon. This could also explain why all files relating to Operation Alsos are classified until 2045. Speculation among some communities states the the Bell was a time-travel device, or an anti-gravity generator, and link this to sightings of UFOs over Poland during the war.

The Valley Of The Headless Men

Aerial view of a section of the Nahanni valley

The Nahanni Valley of Canada's Northwest Territories has been called one of the last truly unexplored places in the world. Lying above the 60th Parallel, it is accessible only by air, water or a long overland journey from the village of Tungsten. As a result, much of the area remains unexplored, despite being declared a national park in 1976, and a World Heritage Site in 1978.

   Native tales tell of an unknown evil lurking within 200 Mile Gorge, and most avoid the area. Local oral history also tells of a mountain-dwelling tribe known as the Naha. The Naha were feared by the region's Dene people, as they often descended to raid nearby villages. These tales end with the rapid, mysterious disappearance of the Naha. No trace of this tribe has ever been found.

   The eerie nickname attached to 200 Mile Gorge is the Valley Of The Headless Men. This name comes from a series of unexplained incidents in the Gorge during the Gold Rush of the early 20th century. Two brothers, Willie and Frank McLeod left in 1906 in an attempt to reach the Klondike through Nahanni. Nothing was heard from them for the next two years. Rumours spoke of the two finding the "mother lode" of gold. Despite this, no efforts were made to find them. In 1908, another prospecting expedition discovered two bodies, later identified as the McLeod brothers. Both had been decapitated. This incident would likely have been marked up as just another macabre tale of North had they been the only headless bodies.  In 1917, the body of a Swiss prospector by the name of Martin Jorgenson was found next to his burned cabin. Decapitated. In 1945, the body of a miner from Ontario, whose name seems to be lost to history, was found in his sleeping bag, without a head. A trapper named >John O'Brien was found frozen next to his campfire, matches still clutched in his hand. I cannot find any reference to the state of his head.

Theories abound as to what happened to these men, and others (up to 44 people are said to have disappeared there). Some put these attacks down to grizzly bears, some feuding  prospectors, others natives. Some say the area is naturally heated by hot springs, and is practically a tropical paradise, a Shangri-La if you will, with the valley floor covered in gold nuggets. These theories often speak of the valley being a haven for the Sasquatch. Some even claim the valley is an entrance to the "Hollow Earth". My view lies somewhere in-between all these. I believe that the native Naha people discovered this sheltered valley, and settled there. Theoretically, food would be plentiful if the valley is the veritable paradise described in some reports. These people then likely became highly territorial over their lands, and killed any trespassers. The decapitation is reminiscent of certain other tribal practices designed to instill fear in their enemies. The image provided is for reference only, and as far as I am aware, there are no images of the 200 Mile Gorge available online.